What do you get when you pair legendary actress and comedienne Goldie Hawn (FOUL PLAY) with the somewhat popular Amy Schumer (TRAINWRECK)? You may think you get SNATCHED but what you really get is a Foul Wreck. I’m bereft just thinking that the 71-year-old Hawn came out of retirement for this waste of both her comedic talents and our 90 minutes.

In SNATCHED, Schumer, who has made a career out of her raunchy and self-deprecating brand of humour, plays Emily Middleton, a clueless, self-absorbed, 30-something, single woman who loves posting selfies on social media so that her friends can see how full and exciting her life is. The reality, however, is anything but that. After she loses both her sales clerk job and her musician boyfriend, Michael (played by Randall Park, THE INTERVIEW, one of the film’s few bright spots), in quick succession, Emily decides to head home to her divorced, cat-lady mom, Linda (Hawn), for some emotional support. There, Emily discovers an old photo album and realises that Linda was once a cool, party girl just like Emily thinks she herself is. As Michael has now backed out of going with Emily on vacation to a resort in Ecuador, Emily decides to talk her mother into joining her. Although Linda would prefer to stay home and look after both her cats and her ultra-nerdy adult son, Jeffrey (Ike Barinholtz, TV’s THE MINDY PROJECT), Emily insists that they need to “put the ‘fun’ back in ‘non-refundable'”.

They’re not too long at the resort before a good-looking guy picks Emily up at the bar and offers to take both her and Linda on a sightseeing drive around the countryside. Before they know it though, the women are kidnapped and held for random by a local gang led by the notorious Morgado (Spanish actor, Oscar Jaenada). Unfortunately for Morgado, he doesn’t realise that he’s bitten off more than he can chew with the two women as they manage to free themselves and lead him and his men on a wild chase through the Amazon jungle of southern Colombia. Jeffrey, meanwhile, is doing what he can back in the States to get his mother and sister safely home. It all results in a madcap adventure that sees all the Middletons going way out of their comfort zones.

On the surface, this sounds like it should be a good film but sadly it’s not. The laughs are few and far between, and most often involve Schumer debasing herself. Schumer has cited Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball and even Goldie Hawn as her comedic influences but while all these women were/are physical comedians, they were never crude like Schumer is in their humour. For some reason, Schumer feels she needs to flash a body part or put herself down in order to generate a laugh. Maybe she’s right though. There is one scene involving a crossbow that goes so flat that it barely merits a chuckle. Hawn, for her part, does what she can but she’s not given a lot to work with having been handed such a weak script. You know you’re in trouble when the film’s secondary characters, like Michael, Jeffrey, new friends Ruth and Barb (played by Wanda Sykes and Joan Cusack, respectively), and intrepid adventurer, Roger (amusingly played against type by Christopher Meloni, TV’s LAW & ORDER: SVU) all get more laughs than the film’s stars do.

SNATCHED is another film that’s best left for the airplane viewing even if a few scenes get edited out for public consumption. Don’t worry if you fall asleep while watching it. Though it’s Hawn’s first film in 15 years, you’re still not going to be missing anything.

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