It’s not rocket science. A romcom should have two things – romance and comedy. MAYBE I DO struggles to find either.

Set in New York City, as the late night, aerial shots keep reminding the audience, MAYBE I DO tells the story of two families whose lives are more intertwined than they know. In a fancy hotel room, Howard (Richard Gere, CHICAGO; PRETTY WOMAN) and Monica (Susan Sarandon, DEAD MAN WALKING; THELMA & LOUISE) are lying on top of the bed. Monica is dressed for a night of passion but Howard is just not interested. It turns out that they had a one-night stand four months earlier, and while Howard is done with Monica, she keeps dragging their relationship out. (So why’s he sitting on the bed, you ask?) As he gets up to leave, Monica vows to destroy him. Meanwhile, somewhere else in the city, Sam (William H. Macy, ROOM; TV’s SHAMELESS) is sitting alone in a movie theatre watching a Swedish film. Grace (Diane Keaton, THE FIRST WIVES CLUB; ANNIE HALL), who is seated nearby, notices Sam crying in his bucket of popcorn and M&Ms, and she goes over to comfort him. The two leave the cinema together and end up in a cheap hotel room. Nothing happens though. They just want to talk and they make an emotional connection. While all this is going on, Michelle (Emma Roberts, THE HUNT; TV’s AMERICAN HORROR STORY) and Allen (Luke Bracey, ELVIS; HACKSAW RIDGE) are attending their best friends’ wedding. It’s clear to everyone there that Michelle wants to get married but Allen has his doubts and he sabotages the bride’s throwing of the bouquet so that Michelle won’t be able to catch it. The couple go back to… I’ll say their apartment… and have it out. Michelle gives Allen 24 hours to make up his mind and she heads home to the suburbs for a pair of parental shoulders to cry on. Allen goes home too. Michelle’s parents are Howard and Grace; Allen’s are Sam and Monica. The next morning, Howard and Grace decide to invite Allen and his parents over for dinner in the hope that their kids can work out their differences. The two sets of parents have never met before.

MAYBE I DO is based on the play of the same name by Michael Jacobs, a fellow who has made a successful career in Hollywood mostly in television. He was the creator of CHARLES IN CHARGE; MY TWO DADS, for which he won a People’s Choice Award, and BOY MEETS WORLD. He also received an Oscar nomination as one of the producers of the 1994 film, QUIZ SHOW, which starred John Turturro. MAYBE I DO marks Jacobs’ first time directing a film but that’s not the problem with it. Aside from the “surprise” that audiences would be able to see from Jupiter, MAYBE I DO is overly talky, and not in an Aaron Sorkin sort of way. The characters here all get their verbose monologues, which are all terribly contrived. Michelle, for instance, gets publicly humiliated by Allen, who can’t seem to shit or get off the pot, as my uncle used to say. Ann Landers would be telling her to kick the bum to the curb but she instead thinks it’s a great idea to invite him and his parents to this “Meet the In-Laws” dinner, as it should, for some strange reason, convince him that marriage is the right move. As for meeting the in-laws, how did that not happen until now? Allen says that his parents are “different” but if the kids are supposedly headed to the altar, you’d think the parents would have met each other by this point.

How this film ever got made, much less picked up a distributor, is a wonder. Sure, Jacobs was able to get four big movie stars to be in his film but one has to wonder what the four of them must have been thinking when their agents sent them the scripts. Did they just see it as a way to pay off the mortgages on their Italian villas? It certainly seems that way. Macy was lucky enough to get a couple of good zingers in but, other than that, this film is pure, unfunny and unromantic, garbage. I expect it will make my list of least favourite films of 2023.

MAYBE I DO is playing now in Hong Kong’s cinemas. Maybe you shouldn’t.

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