Mainland Chinese actor Shen Teng/沈騰 is a hot commodity these days. His third film this year, SUCCESSOR/抓娃娃, is currently tearing up the domestic box office, taking in over US$456 million so far and becoming the country’s highest-grossing comedy in summer box office history. Shen is back again with UNTOUCHABLE and this one is a complete change of pace for the comedic actor.

It’s 1991 and Zun Fei (Shen) is a boxer who makes his own rules. After throwing a match, he leaves that world behind to become the right-hand man of a wealthy crime boss named Huang Chaojing (Taiwanese actor Jack Kao/高捷, CITY OF SADNESS/悲情城市), and bringing all his buddies along with him. Five years later, with Macau gearing up for its return to the Motherland in 1999, the crime landscape has become more complicated and desperate. Zun now finds himself trying to find a way out but it’s not easy as he’s also interested in taking Huang’s girlfriend, Su Xiao (Zhang Yuqi/張雨綺, THE MERMAID/美人魚), with him. Su, though, is heavily involved in Huang’s business affairs too.

Let me start by repeating something I wrote about SUCCESSOR because it’s relevant here too. My biggest beef, perhaps my only beef, these days with films coming out of China is that they’re all thinly disguised propaganda pieces meant to either extol the hard work of the members of the country’s disciplined services, hype the country’s advances in high tech, or denigrate their regional neighbours by portraying those countries as sh*tholes that are run by criminals. With this film, Macau is portrayed as a lawless den of iniquity that’s just begging for China to come in and clean up. Not to be outdone by that ridiculous premise, the filmmaker even tacks on an epilogue informing viewers that under the embrace of China, Macau is now one of the safest cities in the world. I’ve been to Macau multiple times over the years (it’s only an hour away by high-speed ferry and now by car) and I can attest that even under Portuguese control, Macau was a very safe city. Sure, it was a hotbed of criminal activity centered around gambling and prostitution, and it probably still is but now under new management, but that didn’t affect the ordinary residents or visitors.

But that’s neither here nor there as far as this movie is concerned. UNTOUCHABLE is as bland and unoriginal as its name. Details on the film are sketchy but it appears to have been made in 2018 and has been sitting on a shelf all this time. With the popularity of Shen, the government probably decided to release the film now… with the epilogue tacked on, no doubt. Whatever the reason, the film’s producer Shang Ke/尚可, who also wrote the screenplay, must surely know what a dog of a film he has on his hands. There is zero chemistry between Shen and Zhang, which makes it quite impossible for audiences to believe that Su Xiao would find Zun Fei the least bit attractive. Even their kiss, when it finally comes, is fumbled. I’ve seen teenagers on screen show more spark on their first kiss than this pair do.

UNTOUCHABLE is not a dumpster fire though. It’s just really dull. While it marks a change for Shen to take on a serious role, he might want to consider going back to his comedic roots. As a brooding, romantic lead, he’s as memorable as Macau is these days.

UNTOUCHABLE opens in Hong Kong cinemas tomorrow (September 5th).

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